


You Have No Reason

by Jeniouis



Series: Howard Stark Centered Fics [33]
Category: Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alpha Tony, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Mpreg, Omega Howard, Omega Steve, Past Drug Addiction, Past Incest, Past Underage, Prostitution, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-13 22:10:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4539261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeniouis/pseuds/Jeniouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Howard had been a shit father, he knew that. And it wasn't that he didn't love Tony. Lack of love isn't why Howard stayed away from him.</p><p>Howard just knew that Tony would be better off without him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There are two things I love in fanfiction. Steve whump (there's a little of that) and Howard whump (almost nonexistent but I'm trying to write as much as I can without abandoning Steve whump).
> 
> This has been on my mind for a while. The first few chapters will be short because I'm typing on my phone but I hope you like this.

He had been a shit father. Howard knew that. True, it didn't help that Tony had been born in the slums of Brooklyn. And it didn't help that the only reason Tony had been conceived was because Howard's parents had been lazy, laughable excuses of human being and pimped him out to mere strangers, had made him walk the streets since he was only twelve. And it certainly didn't help that Tony was born when he was all of fourteen. But that didn't mean Howard had to be short and impatient with him. Or that Howard had to become a junkie, a crack head piece of bitch. Or that Howard had to leave Tony locked in an empty, shit apartment for three days, when his boy had only been ten, while he sucked cocks and got fucked so he could get his next fix. Maria had found Tony. She was just a rookie cop back then but, most importantly, she had been his best friend. Had known him since they were both kids. Though her mother came back for her, rescuing Maria from her omega father while Howard was left in hell, having to grow up entirely too quick.

Maria had came looking for Howard, she tried to visit often. Tried to scrape him off the streets. When she found a pretty much abandoned starved, scared little boy, she lost all respect for Howard. He has been surprised by her. Because Howard had long lost all respect for himself. He never knew why she held on to a false hope for so long.

It wasn't that Howard hadn't loved Tony. That's not why he left his son all alone. And lack of love wasn't why he didn't fight to keep Tony. That's not why he was glad to see Tony go. He did cry, at least, as Maria held Tony's hand and walked him to her car. She had taken the young alpha under her wing. And Howard knew Tony was in good hands. He waved back at his son when Tony's tearful eyes looked out at him through the car window and he waved a little. But he didn't sweat the lost. His high was going to wear off soon and Howard could taste the needle, could hear it calling his name. So Howard wiped his eyes and turned on his heels, walking away. He had money he needed to make and the street corner in front of a police station was not where he was going to find business.

He didn't fret or have any lingering concern or worry. Tony was better off without him and he knew it. And Maris had promised that she'll keep Tony in contact. Though Howard honestly knew that wouldn't amount to much.

That didn't mean that Howard hadn't thought of his son every single day of his miserable, lonely life.

-

Howard had been a shit father. He knew that. That's why Howard wasn't surprised when Tony shut him out of his life.

Maria had an set up an arrangement. Howard could see his sone once every month. And that could increase once he started to clean himself up. Howard only made it about handful a times per year and only twice had he even been sober. Which is why Tony had screamed how much he hated him during the last visit. He told Howard he never wanted to see him again and to stay the fuck out his life before he stormed out the room. Maria had been furious and lit on him. Told him he was a piss poor person before she kicked him out. Howard couldn't blame him them. He had stumbled up to the house, his clothing disheveled, his hair ruffled and scuffed and scattered all over his head. He had smelled like pissed and a recent fuck. He had been so high, he barely comprehended their words and he ended up a sprawl of limbs outside Maria's door when she pushed him out. But his mind was clear enough to fully understand the message. They wanted him to stay away.

And Howard did.

He called twice, only to be hung up on. So he moved on. Continued to fuck and stay high and get wasted and let self-hatred devour him, and consume him. Day after day. Moment after moment. Second after every fucking miserable second.


	2. Chapter 2

Howard smiled as he cut around the news article of Tony's latest achievement. Albeit a sad, regretful smile. He was proud of Tony. His boy had gone to college—No not college, MIT!—and had founded his own multibillion dollar company. And now, he was Iron Man. And Howard was so extremely proud of him. He kept it all of Tony's accomplishments in scrapbooks. And he kept every photo, every news clip, every video recording of his boy on various categorized flashed drives and recordable DVDs.

He was clean now. Had been for about a two years now. It was the most difficult thing in his life (and that was really saying something) but he was trying to gain a normal life. He had never witnessed such a phenomenon so he was having a hell of a time trying to figure it out. But Howard guessed, hoped he was on the right track. He had a degree now. Nothing fancy, nothing impressive. Just an Associates in liberal arts. But it helped him get his nine to five as an administrative assistant. Though the only reason he had a job was because he occasionally have his boss fantastic head. And spread his legs for him every once in a while.

But that was a miraculous improvement from his all time low, taking three dicks at once for a single five dollar bill.

Howard finished adding the new addition to his scrapbook and stood to carry it back to his room, keeping safe with the others in his closet. It was a real apartment, he had only been moved in for a month. It wasn't much. Still in the slums but on the outskirts. He could look down the street and see where he wanted to be. But will probably never reach.

He was still trying. He just accepted into NYU. Which was actually a huge fucking problem. He didn't want to be a part-time night student. It would take him too long to graduate and he was already too old. So he would have to drop down to part-time at his current job. Which threatened his already meager survival. Not to mention that college was goddamn expensive. Being a full-time student called for a shitload of money he didn't have. Even after scholarships (academic scholarships that Howard was surprised to earn. He thought of himself in a lot if ways but never intelligent. But he figured that community college was just watered down and incredibly easy).

But Howard wasn't retarded. He wasn't unrealistically advancing toward failure. He had a trick up his sleeve. And that was exactly what it was. Turning tricks. He had never stopped whoring, his livelihood depended too much on the supplemental income. He just cleaned up his act. He had even climbed up the slut ranks, if one could could believe it. He didn't suck cock in alleyways anymore. He likes to fancy himself a high end sex worker. He had aged very gracefully (though thirty-four wasn't exactly old, was it?) but e looked mature enough that clients figured he knew what he was doing. And he did, very much so. He had a lifetime of experience and he uses it to get paid very well for his services in the sack. So now, he spent a few nights a month in expensive posh hotels with Senators. Small time celebrities. Billionaires who are too cheap to by a real high end call omega. He didn't meet these people on his own. He was connected to them through his boss. Howard guessed he was his pimp, of sorts. Especially since he referred Howard to potential clients and business partners of his. And they referred Howard to their friends. Who referred Howard to their friends. It was networking at its finest and how he was saving for college. And that was all. Once he got the amount of money he needed, Howard kept his legs closed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i decided that the endgame ship would be Howard/Phil. For some reason, i love those two together.

Howard was always shocked by how much prostitution went on at these huge, formal fundraising galas. Of course, it wasn’t blatant. Not exactly. There were ‘back rooms’ for ‘entertainment’. They weren’t at every gala but they were at the ones his boss dragged him to. Howard would have declined as he sometimes did (not often because there was free food at these things. _Real_ food he will never be able to afford otherwise) but he was about seven thousand away from his tuition and he wanted to get that paid as soon as possible. The semester started in a few weeks.

His boss, Justin Hammer, introduced him to a big time colonel he needed to pitch some of his merchandise to. Howard smiled at the tall man, looking up at him through his lashes. The guy’s face twisted into a small scowl.

“Hammer, you are the most unethical—” The colonel started but then his eyes suddenly widened as he studied Howard again. Like he just figured out the meaning of life or something. Howard just wanted him to hurry because once he’s sealed this deal for his boss, he could start working for himself.

The guy suddenly grabbed his arm and pushed his sleeve up, looking at his arms. Howard was miffed. This was a _Versace!_ It wasn’t even Howard’s. Justin let him rent suits as a business expense for events like this. This asshole could wrinkle it or something. Howard was very careful with these suits. He always handed them back to tailors in perfect condition.

“Is he clean?” The colonel asked. Howard didn’t even flinch. That was a normal, smart question for one to ask when a whore had been pushed on them.

Hammer glared at him. “Of course he’s clean. He’s not a street whore. He’s my secretary.” Correction: administrative assistant. The colonel eyes shifted from Howard and his boss. Something unreadable in his grimace.

“You pimp your secretary?” The colonel asked.

“Why the hell not? He just an omega.” Hammer shrugged. “So, you gonna fuck him or not?” The colonel glared at Justin but released Howard’s arm. He shook his head, in clear disgust, before he walked away. Howard huffed as he watched his receding back.

“That was rude.” Howard said, sincerely chagrined. He had never been rejected before. Maybe thirty-four really was old. Hammer waved a dismissive hand in the direction the colonel had left and wrapped an arm around Howard’s shoulders.

“He’s just never had a chance to taste that sweet ass of yours.” Hammer said, handing the omega drink when a server walked by. “But you have a choice. Since you didn’t do anything for me, I can either take the expense of your suit out of your paycheck…” Howard’s eyes snapped up at him. The price would swallow two of his checks whole. “Or you can come back to my place tonight and make up this lose to me.” That was more like it. Howard nodded and Hammer smacked his ass. “Great, meet me in the coat room at around one.” Hammer said before he downed his glass of champagne and walked away. Howard handed his glass back to a server when they walked by. When he went clean he dropped everything. But he did grab an hors-d'oeuvre (or five) when the tray came by. Then he started scanning the crowd, looking for a john. But a pair of arms were sudden curled around his waist, and a sultry voice was speaking in his ear,

“A friend of mine told me you were a darling.” The voice was feminine and deep with maturity. So a woman of older age. Fifties to sixties and based off her dark red nail polish and soft, elegant hands, she was probably some senator’s wife.

Howard turned around and looked at her. She was still beautiful for her age. Which he was guessing was around fifty-five. He smiled his best charming, sultry smile and looked at her through his lashes.

“You heard correct.” Howard said. And he ignored the familiar self-hatred rolling in his gut.

-

It was around midnight when emerged from one of the ‘rooms’, his last clients came waltz out with him, wrapped around his arms. They were twin omegas, daughters of some B-grade actress. They kissed his cheeks simultaneously.

“You are amazing.” One of the girls said, lying her head on his right shoulder.

“You know, we’re going to a party next week, we would love to bring you.” The sister on his left said. Howard smiled at them. Not the one he used when he wanted to woo a potential client. This one was simply polite and just slightly hunted.

He opened his mouth to tell them that he would have to decline, having already made the money he needed, but he looked at the sister on his right, and feeling that someone was staring at him made him focus past her. He had a split second to take in the guy’s moussed black hair combed back, his big brown eyes, his pensive face studying him intently, and the goatee that surrounded his tight lips.

Panic sparked in Howard and he turned on his heels and hurried down the hall. The twins called after him but he didn’t stop. He crossed the floor of the ballroom, the dense crowd was the only reason he hadn’t ran out of there. Howard kept going until he reached the coat room, grabbing the mink coat that wasn’t his own.

“My, you’re in a hurry, aren’t you?” A voice said suddenly and Howard startled, whipping around to see the owner of the voice. It was just his boss, Justin Hammer, staring at him curiously. Howard sighed internally in relief. He forced his sexy smile and nodded.

“Of course, you always make me eager.” Howard said as he batted his eyes. It was a game and Hammer knew it. They could barely get along, especially in the office but his boss smiled.

“I’ll pull the car up.” Hammer said, disappearing from the door way.

Howard took a moment to clear his mind and take a deep breath. While he stood there, staring at the floor, a thousand of his bad life decisions flashing before his eyes, he felt a gentle hand touch his shoulder. Howard’s head snapped up and he saw a guy smiling shyly at him. He had brown hair and a serious yet patient face. His hair was thinning but he wasn’t not handsome.

“Hey, are you alright?” The guy asked gently. Howard was quick to nod stiffly.

“Yeah, I-um, gotta run.” Howard stammered, still being assaulted by every emotion his mind could conjure. He nearly fled the room, he knew Hammer wouldn’t like to be kept waiting. And since they were going to be screwing, Howard wanted to keep him a good mood. Or else this affair was going to have be a million times more painful than what it already was going to be.


	4. Chapter 4

Howard limped into his apartment, closing the door begin him and leaning back against it. Pain. He was in so much pain. Hammer always took his so rough and hard. Which is why he usually only let the alpha have his mouth. Though the throat fucking was also rough. But Howard supposed that it wasn't all hammer's fault. Sex was a painful affair for an omega in the first place. And it didn't take much to make it worst. Maybe Hammer didn't hurt him in purpose.

But soon the pain and all thoughts of Hammer became background noise as Tony came to the forefront on his thoughts. Seeing him had been a shock. He had never thought about physically seeing Tony one day. His son had elevated. He was far above the scum of the earth level where Howard still dwelled. And he thought that encountering him beyond a device with a screen had been impossible. But Howard saw him. He looked Howard directly in his eyes. Howard didn't think Tony knew who he was. Howard didn't blame him, he would forget himself if it were possible.

Tony had looked good though. Young and healthy. His face full of energy: of course when one was a billionaire, they could afford to look good. Howard smiled, proud of his son, as he eased into his bathroom and started shedding his clothing (his real clothing). He was covered in the smell of sex and scents that belonged to too many different people. It kept him firmly aware that he was, indeed, a whore. He had been a whore since before his parents had set him out on the streets. He would die a whore. That's why he was glad Tony hadn't recognized him. Tony didn't need any memories of Howard lingering around in his mind. That would only serve as a distraction.

That didn't mean Howard didn't cry under the weak spray of the rusting shower head. That didn't mean he didn't miss Tony so much, his very soul ached.

-

Howard was studying in a cafe not far from NYU. It was the last day of his first week and Howard was cautiously, tentatively optimistic. It wasn't as hard as Howard thought it would be. But it was only the first week. There was plenty of time for everything to become overwhelming as he was expecting it to.

The cafe was extremely expensive but the food and drinks were beyond delicious. But Hammer referred this place to him and told him he could order whatever he wanted on the alpha’s tab. Of course, it wasn't free. Howard certainly paid for everything with his throat and ass but it was a lot better than with money he didn’t have. And he couldn't study at home because the neighbors across from his apartment always argued the worst in the morning. And the neighbors below him always blasted their music the loudest during day. And the neighbors above him always smoked pot all night. Which nearly drove Howard made with temptation.

But this place was far from the slums and far away from disturbances. So Howard could study in peace. That was, until he felt a pair of eyes on him. Howard looked up and saw a guy staring at him. He had short cut brown hair, pushed up at the front. He had green eyes and he was wearing purple. From the pendant around his neck down to his shoes and shoelaces. He nodded up at Howard and turned back to a slim, curvy woman with red hair who never spared him a glance.

Howard narrowed his eyes. Everything about that entire encounter had been deliberate. He could tell. Growing up in the hellhole he had, made Howard very observant of his surroundings. He had seen them there before. The first day, they had come when he was leaving. And the second day, they he had come when they were leaving. But for the past three days, they came in shortly after him and left soon after he did. He had hidden in the shadows to watch. But for the looks of them, from the seriousness that was set in the edges of their face, they were the type of people who knew what they were doing. So they deliberately let him catch them.

Why? Howard was nowhere near anyone important. And the only important secrets he’s learned from his many years of spreading his legs was that there were a lot of people not staying faithful to their significant others.

Maybe it had something to do with Hammer.

Normally, Howard was big on confrontation but as he looked at the two, their back turned to him as they conversed over a plate of food, he didn’t feel that they were particularly…harmful. He would have liked to know why they felt the need to track his movements in a café, of all the places, but the omega only found himself returning to his studies. Maybe he was losing his edge, back in the day he would have stormed up to them, demanding an answer, but right now, all he cared about was whether or not he was smart enough to not fail his first tests.


	5. Chapter 5

Hammer had him bent over his office table, pounding him so hard the damn table shook. A couple of time, the omega just knew it was going to fall over but when it started tipping, his boss would take it down a notch. Just a notch. Howard was grasping the edge with all his might, forcing himself not to tear up. Not that it mattered. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s cried while Hammer fucked the life out him and by now, all of Howard’s pride had been disintegrated but he just didn’t like crying. He was already weak, there was no need to fall the very short distance to pathetic. He’s been there and doesn’t want to return.

“Alpha, please cum!” Howard begged. Knowing Hammer would think it was part of a game. But Howard really just wanted it to end. The pain was beyond unbearable by now. Hammer didn’t usually take him _this_ rough but today in a business meeting, the colonel who had rejected Howard at the gala called Hammer a disgraceful excuse for a human being and promised that the army would never purchase a single item of his products. Needless to say, Hammer was incredibly pissed. He didn’t blame Howard but the alpha fucked him as if he had.

Hammer threw his head back. “Oh yeah baby, you know I love it when you beg.” He gasped, in between pants. So Howard did. He begged until Hammer came inside of him. No big deal, Howard’s tubes were tied. He had no intentions of fucking up another kid like he had Tony.

When Hammer pulled out, Howard hissed, pained. The alpha run his hand up Howard’s back in a mock attempt of comfort.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I baby?” Hammer asked, his voice taunting. Yet held an edge of genuine concern. Howard grunted in reply, in no way answering the question. Hammer didn’t care.

“Good, I have a lot for you to do today. Lots of memo’s and reports to type up so get cleaned up and snap to it.” Hammer said, giving Howard a hard slap on his highly sore ass. Which evacuated the air from his lungs. And not in a good way. But Hammer surprised him by placing a kiss to his cheek. It wasn’t gentle and didn’t really hold any emotional attachment. But it was the first time Hammer had ever done such a thing. Howard gave him a confused and strange look but the alpha was already preoccupied with pulling his pants up and rambling about the work he needed Howard to do.

-

Howard hadn’t seen the stalking couple, or so they had seemed, in about three days. And they had been following him for around three weeks now. But in their disappearance, a new guy appeared. At the same time the couple had been hunting him. So that was already suspicious. But Howard still didn’t think he was harmful.

The guy had a serious yet patient face and his hair was thinning but he wasn’t not handsome. And Howard had the distinct impression that he had seen him before. Still, Howard was going to ignore him. Well almost, he kept a close yet casual eye on him.

And when he saw the guy suddenly spring from his feet as if a nervous energy had just exploded, Howard got curious. Then concerned as the guy started walking and he noticed that the man was headed towards his table. Howard looked up at him expectantly when he was still a few feet away. The guy didn’t startle, didn’t seem surprised that Howard had already noticed him (maybe he already knew). He simply smiled and nodded towards the textbook Howard was hunched over.

“You a student?” The guy asked, his hands shoved in his pockets, as he hovered nervously around Howard’s table. He didn’t seem like a nervous type of guy to Howard, so he was thinking that this little show of it was deliberate. Howard nodded stiffly. Not speaking.

The guy didn’t get the clue.

“College student?” The guy asked. Another stiff nod. “What are you studying?”

Howard eyed him suspiciously for a moment, wondering whether or not he should answer the question. But he pushed it aside because he couldn’t shake the fact that this guy looked familiar.

“Have I fucked you before?” Howard asked, instead of answering the question. Partly to get this guy out his face, partly because he was honestly curious. The guy made his first honest response since Howard noticed him by his green eyes widening a little but it didn’t last long. He huffed a small sound of amusement and shock and shook his head.

“No, I meet you at the save the whales fundraiser a few weeks ago.” The guy said. Howard rolled it over in his mind for a moment before he recognized the face. A clear memory of the guy touching his shoulder in the coat room came to his mind.

“Oh, yeah. You had caught me at a…bad time.”

“Yeah, I figured.” The guy said with a shy smile. “Do you mind if I sit down?” Howard eyed him in curiosity and suspicion. He was still puzzled by the fact that when the couple disappeared, this guy appeared. But Howard figured that this guy was looking for a night of fun rather more than anything. If he had been at that fundraiser, this guy probably knew Howard was a whore.

“What for?” Howard asked. He wouldn’t mind making some extra cash. His part-time paycheck barely paid all his bills and he was already planning to call some of his contacts during the weekend.

The guy shrugged. “To talk. I’ve seen you coming here for a couple of week now and you intrigue me.” The guy said, and from what Howard could tell he was being honest. Though he’s been fooled many time before.

“I…what!” Howard stammered, caught off guard. Of all the things this guy could have said, the omega had never given those words any consideration.

“You intrigue me.” The guy repeated.

“Oh.” Howard said, his brow furrowed in confusion. “Um, sure, you can sit.” Maybe this guy really did want sex, just had a strange way of going about it. The guy smiled brightly as he slid in the booth opposite of Howard.

“What are you studying?” The guy asked again.

“World Civ at the moment.” Howard said shyly. The guy’s face was, despite kind and patient, unreadable. And he didn’t like it.

“What’s your major?”

“Is everything you say a question?” Howard asked, honestly curious. They guy chuckled, like he’s been asked that before.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to interrogate. But how else am I supposed to get to know you.” Get. To. Know? So not sex then…so what did this guy want? Unless he took out the time to ‘get to know’ whores before he screwed them.

Maybe he thought Howard needed a pimp. And that was a trap the omega never wanted to get caught up in again. It was different with Hammer. There was still the semblance of a business relationship between them. With left a level of separation. A flat-out pimp would want to subjugate him.

“Why?” Howard asked, his tone a little harsh but he was still highly suspicious.

The guy chuckled again, in shock this time. “That’s usually how courting works, isn’t it?”

Howard paused, staring at the guy. Then he laughed. It felt good too because he honestly hadn’t laughed in a very long time.

“Oh youse one of those rich folks. I am so not the fish you’re looking for.” Howard said. The guy looked honestly surprised. His eyes wide in confusion. It took a moment for him to realize why the guy was confused. “Oh, I see. See I ain’t one of you. I was at that gala with my boss.” Howard said, wondering if he should go as far as to tell this guy he was a whore. That would probably be enough to scare him off.

“I know.” The guy said flatly. Howard shrugged. He guessed it wasn’t that hard to tell he wasn’t ‘high society’. “I know who you were at the gala with. You still intrigue me.” The guy said. Howard was guessing he knew about the prostitution. And since admitting what he was made him want to slit his wrist, he decided to hope they were both on the same page.

“How?” Howard asked, averting his eyes. He was hoping this guy would say because he figured Howard was a great screw. He could handle that. Sex was something Howard had expert knowledge in. Anything else was above him. The guy sighed, his green eyes scanning him in silence for moment.

“Because in my line of work, I come across a lot of different people. I have to read a lot of people. I know who’s genuine and who is full of shit simply by the way they walk. And I find you very genuine.” The guy said. Everything about him screamed that he was being a hundred fucking percent honest. And Howard froze. Because he had no idea what he was supposed to do with that. How should he react? What should he say?

After a long moment of just staring at the guy, who was simply staring back as calm and patient as ever, Howard chuckled and looked away.

“I’m really not the person you’re looking for.” Howard said finally. The guy hummed a little, his fingers drumming in the table.

“Maybe not.” He said. “But you don’t know what I’m looking for.” That…that was very true. This guy was starting to work his nerves. He kept saying things that Howard wasn’t expecting.

Howard opened his mouth to speak but the guy’s phone dinged, indicating a text. Howard looked at the touch screen phone the guy pulled out his pocket with envy. He still had a crappy flip phone that only worked if he begged it to.

“I’m sorry. I have to go. Good luck with your studies.” The guy said with a warm smile as he rose to his feet and hurried out the door.

Leaving Howard to stare at where his figure had been sitting in bewilderment.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, you know that moment when you're writing away and things get a _little_ out of hand. That's kind of what happened here. But I swear, this chapter is not as random as it may seem.
> 
> I hope you like it.

Howard was distracted. And that never happened. He was generally a much focused person. But ever since his semi-conversation with the alpha the evening before, Howard had been lost in his thoughts. Who had that guy been? Did the stalking couple have anything to do with him? What about Howard, of all the worthy people in New York, had intrigued him…or maybe this guy was just a loon.

There was a cough from the other side of the room that made Howard snap his eyes up to the source. Hammer was glaring impatiently at him from the other side of the room. The omega, realizing he had been staring into space, spun around to his computer and got to work. But his nimble hands suddenly stopped typing when some other questions popped into his mind. If this guy was interested in him, what did that mean? What was he supposed to do? Should he stop going to the café? Or should he shut the guy down the next time he saw him? Or let him down easy?

“Baby,” Hammer suddenly said from behind Howard. Causing the omega to startle but he didn’t show it. He simply turned to look at the alpha. “You’re usually so good, but today you’re really pissing me off.”

“I always piss you off.” Howard snipped. Hammer chuckled and patted his cheek. Harder than necessary.

“Darling, you know how I get when I’m pissed off. Do you want that?” Hammer calmly threatened. Howard shook his head.

“Sorry.” Howard grumbled. Hammer smiled brightly and squeezed his shoulder, a hell of a lot tighter than necessary. Howard jerked in pain, glaring up at his boss.

“Good boy.” Hammer said before he walked back to his desk.

“Ass.” Howard hissed after him, making sure he was _still_ within earshot. Hammer ignored him as Howard expected. But the threat had not been idle. So Howard was quick to get back to work, pushing all thoughts of the mysterious alpha away to mull over later.

-

The stalking couple was back tonight. The mysterious alpha was nowhere to be found. And Howard was so damn confused. And fed up. He was pulled thin from work and dealing with his boss. Plus, because he needed the money, he had some pretty rough johns after work. And after all the pain and emotion stress, he didn’t feel like trying to wrack his precarious mind to figure out why someone was following him.

So when the couple walked in a few minutes after he had, the woman’s hair as red as ever, the guy wearing different clothes but purple all the same, Howard stood and walked over to where they were sitting. Which was always at the same place. At the bar, the two same stools. Directly diagonal from where Howard sat, in clear view.

“Are you following me?” Howard asked suddenly. The couple, who weren’t even facing him, spun around and immediately smiled, their body language as calm as ever. Howard guessed that’s was their reaction to being surprised.

“And who are you?” The red head asked, lazily taking a sip of her margarita. Howard was quiet for a moment, studying them. He hadn’t exactly expected that question. Though he hadn’t completely not expected it. He first thought they would deny following him.

“Nobody.” Howard answered. “Now knock it off.” The couple chuckled, exchanging glances. Like they were standing in front of a petulant child. Howard narrowed his eyes.

Purple guy held out his hand, “We’re on the wrong foot. I’m Clint. And this lovely dove, is Nat.” Howard’s eyes flickered down at his hand but only looked back up at them. Hoping his expression was the very epitome of dislike and distrust.

“I don’t care what your name is. Just leave me alone.” Howard said as he curtly spun around and marched back to his seat. He heard the couple chuckle again from behind him but he didn’t care. He just hoped they got the message. Because if they didn’t, there wasn’t much he could physically do to stop them. Well he could, be hated to revert back to his past. And maybe they were harmless. But they were alphas and Howard didn’t trust alphas.

Yet, the entire time he was there, he kept looking back, to see if Mysterious Alpha was going to come in. But Howard would never admit to himself that he was a tad disappointed the alpha didn’t.

-

They didn’t stop. Matter of fact, the guy, Clint, started going through the bold action of walking in, yelling “Hey nobody!” loud enough that everyone in the café could hear, before he and his bonnie lass would go sit in their regular seats. And every time, Howard would glare at their backs before turning to their studies. They had been doing that for about a week and a half and today was no different. Because they kept up their ritual, Howard was dubious starting to consider that maybe they really hadn’t been following him.

But what was different was that Mysterious Alpha walked in today. And Howard most certainly did not have a burst of excitement when he did. Not physically anyway. He stayed hunched over his notebooks as the guy walked right past him, heading to back, not even sparing him a glance. Which…it was fine. Howard didn’t care. It didn’t make a difference in the world.

It wasn’t until an hour later that he realized that the stalking couple and the mysterious alpha were here at the same time. And there had been no interaction between the two of them at all. The couple was chatting over a meal as always. And the alpha was in the back talking to, what seemed like, some business partners.

So Howard beginning to think his initial suspicions were wrong. Maybe these people were simply minding their simple, everyday lives. And he had been so worried. Howard nearly laughed but he didn’t want to draw any attention to himself.

“Hey.” Howard heard a voice say from behind him. Howard spun around and looked up at a different alpha. He nearly sighed. Why couldn’t he just be left alone? This guy had black hair and thick muscles. And he wore a cocky, smug grin.

“What?” Howard asked, his tone terse. There was something about this guy that he didn’t like. Something that made him feel hunted.

The guy shrugged. “Just saying hey. I was told I could find you here.” Howard nodded in understanding. This was starting to make sense. This was probably a connection from his boss.

“Hammer send you.” Howard asked. The guy nodded and slid in the seat opposite of Howard. The omega smiled shyly, trying to get a read on this guy. He was wearing a leather jacket over a white T. It was a nice jacket. It looked authentic. But that’s not what had Howard freezing. His eyes caught the emblem on the collar. It was a skull resting on top of six tentacles. Hydra. And because Howard had read every news article involving Tony in any way, shape, or form, he knew exactly who Hydra was. And Howard immediately rose to his feet.

“Well, I’m sorry. But tonight isn’t a good time.” Howard said. The guy reeled back a little, trying to figure out what the hell just changed. But he moved on Howard quickly, grabbing his wrist when the omega reached down to pick up his notebook. Howard eyes him calmly. He had a gun hidden in his pants and a knife hidden in his boots and he wouldn’t hesitate for a second to use either of them if this asshole tried something.

But an arm was suddenly thrown across his shoulder, and before he could even look up to see who it belonged to, a redhead slid in the seat beside the supposed threat.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re bothering my friend here?” The guy, Clint, said casually. Howard was just stunned into silence, realizing very quickly that he was probably in very big trouble. But he couldn’t figure out who was on his side. Or why the hell anyone would go through so much trouble for a whore. He looked to the back of the café, the mysterious alpha and his cha-cha clan had disappeared. Had he been Hydra too?

The supposed threat was staring up at them in shock, obviously not expecting this response. And no one answered him. Nat just grabbed his books, stuffed them in his backpack, and handed to him. And when Howard tentatively took it, Clint was quick to pull him close, and guided him outside. With Howard stammering the entire way.

When they were outside, Howard pulled away. “Hey thanks, but I think I’ll be good from here.” He turned to fucking get the hell out there but Clint grabbed his arm and started dragging him down the street. With Howard struggling every second.

“My name is Agent Clinton Barton. I’m here to protect you.” The alpha whispered to him, then smiled at a woman who gasped at the scene of Clint manhandling him to a nearby car. “Nothing to see here, ma’am. I just need to discipline my omega.” Clint told her with a grin and Howard glared at him. Clint opened the door to the backseat of the car and stuffed Howard inside.

“Protect me from what! I’m a nobody!” Howard argued.

“And that’s exactly what Hydra wants.” Clint said. Then slammed the door in his face. The car magically started and pulled out into traffic. It didn’t make any sense, the entire situation, his predicament. Being in the backseat of an unknown car, with an unknown driver (hopefully a driver. There was a division between the seats and Howard couldn’t see into the front) going to an unknown location swamped his mind. How the hell was he going to get out of this?

But then the division suddenly started to lower, and Howard could see the silhouette of the driver. He didn’t get to see his face because it was dark out and the car had turned down an alleyway with subzero lighting.

“What he meant was,” The driver started. And Howard drew in a deep breath as he recognized the voice. Somehow. It had been nearly two weeks since he heard it but Howard remembered the voice as if had been yesterday. “That Hydra kidnaps the nobodies so no one will recognize that they’re missing. And they’re expendable. I am Agent Phil Coulson by the way.”

Howard couldn’t even speak, it was all coming at him so goddamn fast. And being told his existence didn’t mean shit to the world didn’t help either. Even though he already knew.

“So if I’m an expendable nobody, what the hell do I mean to you?” Howard asked.

“Well, one, because to S.H.E.I.L.D. even the nobodies matter. Hydra kidnaps people to break them and rebuild them as trained assassins. That’s not a fate I think you want.” Phil said. Howard cringed, took a moment to let that sink in. Then he closed his eyes and leaned back against the seat. Of course he would get caught up in this shit.

“Two, you have connections to Justin Hammer.” Phil finished.

Howard shot up. “Exactly, that, him. Hammer would have noticed I was missing, right—oh!” Howard gasped. Realization hitting like a typhoon. “Hammer is Hydra.”

“Bingo.” Phil said as he suddenly pulled into traffic, then into another alley. “It’s going to look like we’re going to hit the wall but we’re not.” Phil warned. Howard looked out the front window, at the wall they were accelerating toward. He knew he had just been warned but Howard couldn’t help but start to feel panic swelling in him as they continued to head towards the brick wall of what seemed like an apartment building.

But then the wall suddenly rose to reveal a tunnel and when they passed through, the secret door slammed shut in less than a second.

“So, I’m in some spy shit now?” Howard asked, looking back at the door disappearing in the distance. There was some bleak lights lining the tunnel but it was still pretty dark.

Phil chuckled. “Yes.”

Howard buried his head in his hands. Trying to take everything in. There was so much to absorb.

“S.H.I.E.L.D.?” Howard said after a moment of thinking. “Tony Stark’s S.H.I.E.L.D.?

“The one and only. The ass.” Phil hissed and Howard glared at the back of his head.

“He’s a remarkable man.” Howard defended.

“He is, but he’s also an ass.” Phil said. It was the way he said it that told Howard he probably didn’t know about their relation. And Howard wanted to keep it that way, he had worked very hard with some very dangerous people to erase his past. From records that was, he couldn’t get it out his mind. Maybe Howard could get out of this without Tony ever knowing his dark and horrid past had been so near. So, to not add any suspicion (though who would have jumped to the conclusion that he was Tony Stark’s father) the omega only turned to look at the brick wall sailing by as Phil sped down the tunnel.

“What happens now?” Howard asked after long moment.

“That’s what we’re headed to find out.” Phil said. Howard sighed and laid down in the back seat. He didn’t think it would take long to reach their destination but he was suddenly tired and he was getting a headache.

“Don’t worry kid, you’re in good hands. S.H.I.E.L.D. is safe. We’re the good guys.” Phil said suddenly, he must have read the fear in Howard’s scent. Howard quirked an eyebrow. Kid? He certainly was a long way from kid. But he let that slide, too busy hoping that what Phil said was true.


	7. Chapter 7

_He was clean for a moment. Howard wanted to be for Tony’s birthday. His fifth birthday. He wanted his boy to have at least one good memory. Because even though Howard was determined to stay clean on the surface, Howard knew, within himself, within his heart, this moment of clarity wasn’t going to last long. That’s why he ran straight from rehab to the toy section at Wal-Mart…Well, no, first he put out to make some cash but then he came here, looking for a gift. He already knew what he was getting. Tony had seen the other kids around the hood with bikes and wanted one for himself. So Howard was going to get his boy a bike. Every time they came to the store, Tony always ran to the same model and stared at it, with longing and craving._

_And of course, it was the most expense in the store. And Howard could buy a week’s worth of crack with that money…But no, this was for Tony. He could do this for Tony. So Howard grabbed the bike quickly and rushed to the checkout counter. If he didn’t move quickly, he’ll change his mind and be selfish instead. And Howard didn’t want to add this day to the long list of ways he’s fucked up Tony’s life so far._

_Howard smiled when he took the receipt and immediately threw it away. He didn’t want to have the temptation of being able to return when he was low on cash. He picked the bike up and carried it out the store. Maria’s place wasn’t far from the store and he could walk there. She had been taking care of Tony while Howard detoxed. He didn’t have any money left to catch a bus anyway._

_When he got close enough to see his friend’s house, he saw Tony standing on the patio, waiting for him. When he recognized his dad, the boy cheered and ran out on the sidewalk towards him. Howard knelt to Tony’s level and hugs his little boy when he runs into his arms. Tony is so precious when he’s seeing him through clear eyes._

_“Daddy, I missed you.” Tony said, wrapping his arms around Howard’s neck. The omega smiled and kissed Tony’s cheek._

_“I missed you too kiddo.” Howard said. “Look what I got you for your birthday.” Tony looked at the bike and beamed. He honestly hadn’t noticed it yet. The five-year-old boy reached out to the bike and touched the handle bars as if he’s touching something made of pure gold._

_“Thank you daddy.” Tony said, hugging Howard again. “Are you going to stay this time daddy?” Tony asked. And Howard’s heart broke. Because he knew what Tony’s trying to ask. Tony just didn’t know how. And Howard hated himself because everything was fucked up. If he told Tony no, that would crush Tony. But lying and breaking his promise later will crush him worst. Of course, if Howard stayed clean, there wouldn’t be a problem._

_And Tony was already so happy right now, and Tony was his birthday. Howard had to keep him happy for now. And all he had to do was stay away from drugs and johns and the people who keep him down._

_“Yes, I’m staying and…everything’s going to better, okay. I’m going to be a better dad.” Howard promised. And Tony got so, so happy._

_Now all Howard had to do was keep his promise. Stay off the streets. That shouldn’t be too hard._

_Only, it was._

-

Howard looked up at the picture of Tony on the wall of the interrogation room. A plaque bearing the word: FOUNDER, was situated under it. The photo was one that Howard had, stowed away in all his many pictures of Tony but seeing the source made him smile wistfully. He was so, so proud of Tony.

“Do you know him?” Howard startled, glancing beside him at the redheaded woman who just fucking appeared. He averted his eyes, looking opposite of her at a plant resting in the corner. He sniffled back tears he hadn’t even noticed he was shedding.

“It’s…” Howard trailed off. His voice came out in a tremble. So he steeled himself. “It’s Tony Stark. Everyone knows him.” He didn’t look back at Natasha because that did not fucking explain why he would be getting emotional over the photo of a billionaire that supposed had nothing to do with him. “I had a son once. And…Tony reminds me of him.” Howard said, his voice leaving no room for any more question. But he didn’t think that would necessarily stop her from asking them anyway. He heard her sigh. Not because she did so audibly but because he had been listening very closely. He almost missed it.

“Agent Coulson will join us in a moment. Until he arrives, he asked me to inform you of why you’re here.” Natasha said. And Howard was very grateful. He turned to her with a nod. Having finally grounded his emotions. She motioned for him to sit and Howard did. “Can I get you anything?”

Howard leaned back. “A new identity would be nice.” Natasha smiled placing one of the cups of coffees, Howard just noticed, in her hands in front of him.

“You’ll have to live with coffee.” She said as she sat across from him.

“Thanks.” Howard said. “Please tell me it’s not drugged.”

“If it were, would I really tell you?” Natasha said. Howard huffed in laughter, and took a sip. Like she just promised him it were the safest thing in the world. “Are you hydra?” She asked him suddenly.

Howard chuckled. “If I were, would I really tell you.” She smiled, maybe even laughed under a strict, unreadable game face. “No, I am not hyrda. From what I read, they’re not exactly omega-friendly.”

She nodded. “The café is one of their little hideouts around New York. They have back rooms where they hold underground meetings and plan their attacks. In some locations they even train new assets. They do recruit omegas though. That’s what initially made S.H.I.E.L.D. interested in you.”

“Hey, I was not recruited. My boss has a tab there and he lets me order shit.” Howard said, taking another sip of coffee.

“Your boss seems like a great guy.”

Howard laughed. “My boss pimps me and gets everything back sexually.” He said it easily. He might as well be honest. They, no doubt, already know.

“And you let him?” She asked.

Howard shrugged. “I know you’ve seen my record.” Hopefully only the one he wanted them to see. Which still was far from pretty. “What the hell else was I supposed to do? I needed a job and working for Hammer was the only one I could find. I was planning on quitting after I graduated and got a new job. If it happened.”

“With the way you study, I’m sure it will.” Natasha said, her voice sounding genuinely impressed. But Howard was pretty sure she long mastered the artistry of acting.

“Sure, so when can I go home?” Howard said. He was starting to miss his little crappy, rusty shoebox.

“That’s what Coulson is going to discuss with you when he comes in, but from what I know, not for a while.”

Howard groaned, slumping back in his seat. “Look, miss—”

“Natasha.”

“Natasha, I can’t afford to do that. I have classes to attend. Have you ever heard of a failure by absence policy?” Howard said. Because other than college, Howard had no other reason to get back to the world. Other than he didn’t want to spend his spare time locked inside an espionage company. It made him realize how much of a nobody he really was. That and, he had a newspaper to cut up. He saw an article about Tony earlier today. Before everything went to shit.

“It’s not safe for you. We had to sweep out the café last night and hydra took a hit. Lots of arms deals went on there, which is why Hammer had a tab. And you know entirely too much information for them to _not_ be looking for you.”

“How?”

“You know all of Hammer’s clients.” Natasha said.

“No, a computer knows all of Hammer’s clients. I don’t keep that shit in my mind.” Howard said but, no…no, that wasn’t completely true. Because Hammer hooked him up with others, and the hook-ups connected him to other hook-ups. It had been networking at his finest and it was biting Howard in the ass right this very moment.

“Oh, you mean the people I’ve fucked.” Howard said. Natasha cocked her head a little, giving him a small smile.

“Yes, but you can’t tell me you know absolutely nothing about Hammer’s accounts.” She said. And Howard scoffed because he did remember some things. And he could probably remember a hell of a lot more if he put his mind to it but Howard didn’t want to stay here for who knows how long.

“Nope.” Howard said.

“Liar.” Natasha said, then stood. “I’ll see if I can’t get you an escort to your classes but you can’t return home until we’ve cleared you. I’m sure Hammer will have someone watching your apartment anyway. Someone might have even searched it already."

Howard’s eyes went wide. “Oh no, no, I have to get home. What about my valuables?” Howard said. Then almost laughed. As if he had shit that was worth a goddamn thing.

“You’ll receive a reimbursement from S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“How kind of you but I have stuff that’s…priceless. Have an agent go with me. I just need to grab some things.” Or a closet filled to the brim of scrapbooks and keepsakes and mementos from Tony’s childhood. That’s all. No biggie.

Natasha seemed dubious but also a little relenting. “I might be able to arrange for an agent to grab something for you. As long as it’s not anything illegal.”

Howard shook his head. “No, it’s just…things that I really, honestly need. They won’t need to go far or to grab much.” HA! “Just the things in the bedroom closet.” Howard said, hoping his eyes and voice were as pleading as he felt. She looked at him for a long time then nodded.

“I’ll see what I can do.” Natasha said. Howard sighed in relief. He knew it wasn’t a promise but at least it was something.

“Thank you.” Howard said. Then realization smacked him. If they went through any of his things, then they would know. And what would happen if Tony found out? “And…if you can, can you not look into any of my stuff and if you do…can you keep it quiet.”

Her brow furrowed and she glanced at the photo of Tony on the wall. And there it was. The wash of understanding covered her and Howard held his breath. It was actually pretty obvious, there was a lot of him in Tony once someone knew to look for it. She looked back at him with a changed opinion. There was something suddenly hard in her eyes but it died down as her eyes scanned him.

“That I can do.” She said before she curtly turned and left the conference room. And it took a moment too long for Howard to realize she knew Tony. And who knows what the kid had said about him. Howard knew one thing, none of it could have possibly been good.

-

Howard laid awake in one of the many guest rooms in S.H.I.E.L.D. or really, Stark Tower. Since that’s where headquarters was located. It wasn’t that the room was uncomfortable. It was better than the craphole Howard lived in. But it was just a room. Without windows. The cot was comfortable but it was still just a cot. He had sheets and a comforter but Howard was still tossing and turning. This room reminded him of the dark closet his parents locked him in when he misbehaved. And because of it, his mind couldn’t rest. At home when he was restless, he could always run to his scrapbooks, his pictures and video. Viewing over Tony’s accomplishment calmed him mind. But laying here, with nothing but his memories to keep him company was driving him mind.

Because he was remembering everything. He felt his father’s hands all over him again. He heard his mother telling him to lie back and be a ‘good boy’. He remembered spreading his legs for complete strangers. He saw Tony crying, begging him not to leave again. He remembered the face of his little boy, left alone in a dark, roach infested apartment because the person who was supposed to take care of him was too busy being passed out on whatever he could get in system while someone fucked him nonetheless.

Howard sat up, his back against the wall. He drew his knees to his chest and hugged himself. He felt himself starting to tremble and Howard didn’t like it. This, this feeling, was exactly what got Howard caught up in drugs in the first place.

Feeling the sudden need to escape, Howard shot out the bed, and desperately tried the door. And thank fuck it wasn’t locked. He was have lost his mind if it had been. He opened it and looked up and down the halls. They lights in the halls glowed dimly. But bright enough for him to see. He emerged from his little room, completely barefoot. But Howard decided he was entirely too ghetto to care. It was S.H.I.E.L.D.’s fault. They had provided him with sweatpants and a white T for sleepwear but didn’t give him any socks or anything for his feet. But he wasn’t ungrateful. He was thankful they gave him anything at all. And most importantly, he didn’t have to pay it back. Had this been Hammer, he would be getting fucked right about now.

Howard had no idea where he was headed, but he just turned left and kept going. Praying he wouldn’t get lost. And if he must get lost, let it be by having accidently walked out the building so he could go home.

He kept walking up he reached a lobby and an elevator. Howard stood there, staring at it. Wondering how much of this building he should explore. If he even had the clearance to explore any of it. Curiosity got the best of him and he walked up to the elevator, pushing the down button. And surprisingly, the door actually slid open. Howard tentatively stepped inside. When he did, a blue line scanned his body and a voice suddenly rung out.

“Hello Guest Stark.” The voice said. Which just fucking stunned Howard into silence. This shit existed in real life?! The voice didn’t even sound mechanical. But it did have a British accent. Weird, it was so very weird.

“H-hello.” Howard stammered.

“I am JARVIS. I have been notified that you will spending some time with us. On the panel in front of you, you will find the floors you have clearance to.” The anonymous voice said. Howard looked at the once black panel that had suddenly come to life. It had the words ROOF, COMMUNAL FLOOR, SHIELD CONFERENCE FLOOR, LOBBY, and LAB. With a red dot beside each of them. Floored, Howard stood there, trying to decide where he should go. He considered the roof but he couldn’t guarantee himself he wouldn’t jump off. So he pushed the lab button because it sounded interesting.

“Very well Guest Stark.” The voice, JARVIS, said. Cheerful as ever. It was sad that a machine (as Howard was hoping the voice was) was happier than him. But he was guessing the voice wasn’t a past addict and a current whore.

Howard stood there, for a moment, wondering if the elevator was going to move because he hadn’t felt the pull and descend that he always felt on elevators but the doors suddenly opened to reveal another but differently decorated lobby. This room was all sleek, expensive furniture. Howard tentatively stepped out the elevator. To his flanks were hallways. Straight ahead was a door that he walked up to. But he realized too late there was no handle. Then he felt foolish when a blue light scanned him again.

“I’m sorry Guest Stark, but you do not have access to the Lab.” JARVIS’s voice suddenly rung out. Howard was very glad that S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn’t as sloppy with their security as it had seemed.

“Are you everywhere?” Howard asked, looking up at the ceiling.

“Everywhere but living quarters and conference rooms.” JARVIS answered.

Howard nodded, wondering why he would have clearance to the lab floor if he couldn’t get inside the lab. He turned around and decided to see what was down the halls. He turned right this time and was in awe at the wide windows that showed a dark, lifeless room. But there was equipment in the room. So Howard was guessing this were some sort of observation deck. Howard walked back down the hall and belatedly notice the small sign on the wall. It read BRUCE BANNER. He looked on the opposite wall and saw the sign that said TONY STARK. And Howard’s heart stopped. He started trembling. But he wasted no time moving to the other hall. But when he got there he gasped and jerked back when he saw a light and someone sitting at a workbench, doing something with a blow torch.

He stepped back up to the window as he recognized Tony. His baby boy. But he wasn’t a baby anymore, was he? He was all grown up. He turned twenty a few months back. Howard watched Tony work. He had no idea what he was doing but he seemed so…relaxed. Content. And Howard was glad that his son was happy.

He kept trying to turn away but Howard was mesmerized. This was the second time in eight years he had physically seen his son. And all he wanted to do was burst through this window and go to him. Hug him. Tell Tony he loved him.

Howard watched Tony until the alpha finally rose up, stretching with a yawn, then he scratched his stomach. The same way he did when he was a little boy. When he got up, Howard jumped back into the shadows. He didn’t want Tony to see him. He didn’t know how Tony would react. Would his son be forgiving or would he hate him? Would he accept Howard’s apology or send him away? And the fear of being shunned scared Howard down to his bones. It would crush him if Tony wouldn’t give him a chance. But it wouldn’t be Tony’s fault. Howard had been a shit father and he knew it.

Tony walked out of view and the lights shut down in the lab. Howard was shocked and he was started walked down the hall but he heard the lab doors swish open and he pressed himself up against the wall. Hoping the darkness would be his friend. He heard footsteps approach and Tony’s figure suddenly came into view. He yawned again and didn’t spare the halls a glance. He pushed the elevator button and waited. When the doors opened, Howard heard JARVIS greet him with a cheerful, “Good morning sir!” and the doors slid close.

Howard released the breath he didn’t even know he was holding in. And it wasn’t until now he realized he was had been crying. His cheeks were still wet from tears. He wiped them away with his hands and started to slowly and cautiously move towards elevator. He was afraid Tony might have forgotten something and would come back. And catch him.

He reached the elevators and pushed the button, the doors slid open. Revealing Tony leaned up against the wall, dead asleep. Howard froze. He didn’t know what to do. But he didn’t know how long Tony would be asleep. And he couldn’t stay here because the agents would be looking for him in the morning. So Howard tentatively stepped inside the elevator with Tony. Nervous didn’t even begin to describe how jumpy felt. Howard pressed himself up against the opposite wall. And he was grateful the panel lit up with his options without a comment from JARVIS. The option of LAB was gone but it was replaced with GUEST ROOMS. So Howard pushed it. He stayed utterly still and quiet until the elevator stopped on his floor, the doors sliding open. He started to cautiously move out but he paused, looking at his boy. Howard honestly couldn’t get enough of seeing him.

It was stupid. The thought that came to his mind was stupid. And maybe even traumatic if Tony woke up at the wrong time but Howard couldn’t help himself. He crept up to Tony, as quietly as he could, and leaned up to him, on his tiptoes because Tony had definetly outgrown him which was a shock to him, and he gently press a kiss to Tony’s cheek. The he hightailed it because Tony stirred, touching his cheek with his hand. But from the glimpse Howard got when he looked back, right before the doors slid close, Tony had just leaned his head to the other side and gone back to sleep.

“Mister Stark.” Howard heard a voice say which startled the fuck out him. But he was silent when he whipped around in the direction of his voice. His eyes found Phil, Natasha, and Clint staring at him. Their arms were filled with books and Phil was pushing a flat dolly cart with boxes stowed on it. Their eyes were gentle and sympathetic and Howard wondered just how much of that they saw.

But they didn’t mention it.

“We got your stuff.” Clint said. And Howard swallowed. “Your place had already been trashed and we suspect that your place is being watched but all your _keepsakes_ were left untouched.” Howard nodded stiffly.

“It’s a little more than some things.” Natasha said.

Howard dropped his gaze. “Sorry.” He mumbled.

“It’s alright.” Phil said quickly. “But I don’t think all of this is going to fit in your room.” Not if Howard was going to be in there with it.

“Oh, it’s okay, I’ll squeeze in.” Howard said. He hated putting people out their way and he had already done enough of that already.

“Nonsense. We’ll just have to move you to another room.” Phil said. They started walking down the opposite direction of the Howard’s original room and Howard rushed to follow them, taking some scrapbooks from Natasha so she wouldn’t have to burden herself with carrying his obsession. They turned down so many halls Howard got lost but when they finally stopped and opened a door, Howard gasped at what he saw. The suite was beautiful. And it had all the luxuries a fancy studio apartment would have.

“You’re going to be here for a long while so we decided you needed something more permanent.” Clint explained as they carried his stuff into his room. Howard just stared at the room with his jaw dropped. Every article in the room seemed expensive. And Howard couldn’t stay in something like this. He’ll probably fuck something up. And most importantly, he didn’t deserve it. The agents must have known that if they knew Tony. Unless he never told them.

“I don’t think I can afford this.” Howard said.

Clint snorted. “You don’t have to pay anything. It’s courtesy of S.H.I.E.L.D. Since we’re more or less holding you hostage. You’ll have to stay here until we get Hydra off your tail.” Shit, that could be…years. “But don’t worry. One of the three of us will be escorting you to NYU every day.”

Howard nodded. “Thank you, all of you.” He said, closely watching their faces. No alpha in his life had ever showed him such kindness without wanting something for it later. So he was figuring he would have to spread his legs for at least one of them. Or maybe all of them were going to have a ride on him at the same time.

“Don’t mention it.” Phil said, giving his arm a gentle slap before he walked out. Natasha and Clint, dressed in purple as always, smiled at him as they walked out and closed the door behind them. And Howard didn’t know whether to feel rejected or grateful…or both.

But he settled on grateful as he took in the wealth of the room. And he meant that literally. It took some serious moolah to decorate the room but he didn’t linger on that. He was suddenly very tired and a bed never looked so good.

He crawled on the mattress and swore he was lying on a marshmallow. This time it didn’t take him long to fall asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is fairly short and I apologize for that. Also, this chapter has triggers and I added the tag: Past Incest

Howard had been under SHIELD’s custody for around a month now and he was losing every ounce of his entire mind. Howard hadn’t realized that he would need an escort to follow him everywhere he went outside of Stark Tower. He had snuck out several times, and even made it a good distance once but every time a huge alpha with an eye patch would round on him, completely undetected. And because he was one scary motherfucker, Howard would silently follow him back to the tower. Then Phil or Clint would lecture him on the dangers of being outside of SHIELD’s custody all alone.

By now, Howard had decided to just grit his teeth through it and stay at the Tower apart from going to his classes. He got a lot more study time but he still got bored. He wasn’t working. And he wasn’t fucking because he didn’t need any money. SHIELD provided him three meals a day and he could have anything he wanted from the snack lounge where he studied. It was the best form of imprisonment Howard had ever encountered.

From what Howard could tell, the three didn’t share his little secret. He had met a few other agents who he figured knew Tony, but they didn’t know. Howard could tell by the way they looked at him. Instead of the uninterested indifference they eyed him with, they would have seemed intrigued, maybe even sympathetic or resenting. But there would have been something there. Clint and Phil always eyed him sympathetically. Natasha always seemed to be resentful, though she was always nice. Howard didn’t really care what their opinions were, he was just glad they hadn’t shared his secret. And he hoped it stayed that way.

-

Howard sighed as he sat in the conference room for another session of spot-the-asshole. Every day, for the past month, he would have to spend three hours of being shown different people, or having a name run by him from the list of contacts he gave them (which was so many names, Howard had felt very ashamed. He had slept with them all. But he was a whore, that was his job.) and he had to spill everything he knew about the person. It was a hell of a lot more aggravating then one would think.

“That’s Marylyn Jenson. She thinks she’s Marilyn Monroe’s reincarnate. She’s Senator Jacob Jenson’s wife.” Howard said boredly when he was shown a picture of the woman. “Don’t know about Monroe but she’s a biter. And not in the good way.” Howard said, grimacing with the memory. Phil ignored that last comment.

“When was the last time you saw her?” Phil asked, jotting down information on a notepad.

“At the fundraising gala I met you.” Howard said with a yawn, taking a sip of coffee, glancing up at the clock. Shit, they were only an hour in. “Coulson, I have a huge test tomorrow. Can we call it a day—”

“No, not two hours early.” Phil said without looking up, they went through this every other day. Even when Howard didn’t have tests. “How did you do on your midterms?”

Howard deflated, averting his eyes. “Good.” He was telling the truth. “But you know how I did. I know Clint told you.”

Phil glanced up at him. “Yeah, but you haven’t mentioned it. I would think you would be excited to ace all your test.”

Howard took a deep breath, and shrugged. “It won’t last long.”

“Why do you say that?”

Howard huffed. “I’m not that smart. I’m going to fuck up eventually.” Howard said, looking down at his hands. “I always do.” He added quietly.

“How long have you been clean?” Phil asked, sitting up, giving Howard his full attention.

Howard shrugged. “Only two and a half years. But that’s easy.” Howard said quickly, before Phil could say ‘that’s an accomplishment’. “Anyone could accomplish that.”

“I know a list of people who would disagree with that.” Phil said. Howard looked away, wringing his hands suddenly. He was started getting nervous, he started getting that…feeling. He didn’t even know how to describe it but it always started with him getting nervous.

“Shouldn’t we be identifying Hyrda’s pawns.” Howard said, trying to change the subject.

“Have you seen him?” Phil asked, instead of showing him the next picture. Howard knew exactly who _him_ was. He froze, flickering a glare at the alpha. That was not a smart course of conversation. Anyone could hear. There was only the two of them in the room but Howard knew there had to be a microphone around her somewhere. And what would happen if the wrong person found out Howard’s secret.

“Who? Haven’t shown me the next photo.” Howard said, purposely misinterpreting the question.

“No, Tony. Have you seen Tony?” Phil asked. Howard gave him a heated glare.

“I’ve seen him around.” Howard mumbled. He was mostly telling the truth. Every night he went down to the lab and watched Tony work. He tried to drop the habit before Tony caught him one day but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t talk to Tony, couldn’t touch him. In the very least, he could _see_ him. Phil nodded, silent for a moment.

“You don’t want him to know you’re here?” Phil asked.

“No.” Howard said, his voice firm, hoping that would end the conversation. But of course it didn’t. Not exactly. Phil quirked an eyebrow. And let the unspoken ‘why’ linger in the air. Or he was playing some goddamn pheromone bullshit. Either way, it was effective and Howard was pissed. Because this guy has known him for all of four weeks and he already knew how to get Howard talking.

“Listen, I had Tony when I was fourteen. And I was such a horrible parent that when he was ten, my best friend took him away from me. And even outside my custody, I was still such a shit person that when Tony was twelve, both of them demanded I never see him again. And it was the best thing for him. Tony has made an amazing life for himself and he doesn’t need me to weigh him down because that’s all I would be.” Howard ranted than hated himself for it. Hated Phil for it. Because he has never been this open with anyone. Not even Maria when she had still been his friend. So there must be some brainwashing, pheromone bullshit going on in the background for him to spill his guts so openly.

Phil nodded, in fucking understanding. And Howard got even madder. Because he was supposed to be disgusted. Not understanding.

“Did you know that Maria died?” Phil said.

He nodded shakily. “I know. Six months ago in a car accident.” He still had her obituary. He looked at it every now and then. Howard wished he could have fixed things between them before she had died.

“Tony took it hard.” Phil said. Howard nodded, he figured that. She had been, in every way except biologically, Tony’s mother. “And now the kid is…a little lost. He needs a parent. I think he needs you.” Phil said.

Howard stared at the alpha in disbelief. “Phil, look at me. I’m just as fucking lost as he is.”

Phil pondered on that for a while. “True, but…maybe that’s not a bad thing. You two are…starting new lives and maybe it would be best if you did so together.”

Howard took a deep breath as he thought about that. That…that was actually pretty sound advice. Except Phil didn’t know their past. He didn’t know how he abandoned Tony. He did see all the alphas Howard dragged into their shit apart and let himself be fucked right on the couch, right in front of Tony. Could his son really forgive him for giving him such a hellish beginning?

“You keep thinking there’s hope for me.” Howard mumbled with a headshake. “I may not be a junkie anymore but I’m still every bit the whore Tony grew up with.” Well, partially grew up with.

“Have you slept with anyone since you’ve been in SHIELD’s custody?” Phil asked. Catching Howard off guard. He thought about for longer than necessary. The answer was a very easy one.

“No, but…” Howard trailed off, confused. How the hell did they get this far off task? Why were they even discussing Howard’s sex life? Why, in the living fuck, did Phil even care?!

“A whore would have found a way to fix that by now.” Phil said. And Howard’s confusion grew. He had a feeling they were on two separate pages. They had two different understandings of what a whore was.

“I…I haven’t needed to. I mean, if everything wasn’t provided. I would have to make money some way.” Howard said.

“Is that why you do it? To…survive?” Phil asked. His voice lacked contempt or judgment. It was as casual as one would have spoken if they were asking about the weather.

Howard nodded. “I mean, it’s my only skill. I was trained to be a whore.”

Something changed in Phil’s eyes. The usual sympathy deepened. Deepened to something like pity. “By who?” The air evacuated Howard’s lungs. And the nervousness was back. He shifted in his seat, suddenly growing uncomfortable and fidgety.

“My parents.” Howard said, his voice barely above a whisper. Phil reached over and gently grabbed one of his hands, rubbing his thumb in Howard’s palm. Howard looked at him as if he had lost his mind. Wondering just what the hell Phil was doing. But he felt himself started to calm. Slowly and gradually but Howard realized his breathing was becoming less labored and Howard hadn’t even noticed when it changed.

“I’m sorry that…do you realize you were abused?” Phil asked. And Howard’s brow creased.

“I wasn’t abused. They didn’t _abuse_ me. I just had to be trained.” Howard said. “It’s different for the alphas and the rich folks.”

Phil took a very deep breath. “How did your parents train you?”

Howard froze. His throat clenched. It shouldn’t have been difficult. It’s how all omegas were trained back in the hood. They were expected to become streetwalkers and they had to be taught to please alphas. That’s…that’s all it was. His parents did what they had to do. That’s all! Really!

So why was it hard for him to explain that to Phil? Why didn’t Howard suddenly feel…violated? Why did he suddenly remember every time his dad laid him on his back and pushed himself inside, while his mother just sat there snorting coke? Why did it all suddenly hurt so much?

“My parents…they…they didn’t do it to hurt me.” Howard said, so quietly he could barely hear himself. “I had to be trained.” Howard whispered. He kept repeating those words to himself. “That’s what everyone did to their omega kids in the hood.”

“Well they shouldn’t have.” Phil said. Howard looked away. Could he say he honestly didn’t know that? That he didn’t know what they had done was wrong? Is that why he had abandoned Tony? Because he was afraid he would hurt his son the same way his parents hurt him?

Howard looked away and pushed down his tears and emotions. His pain, his hurt, his ripped open wounds. Phil was back to rubbing his thumb in Howard's palms and with that, whatever alpha maneuver Phil was pulling, Howard could regain his composure.

Howard opened his eyes, not even sure when he closed them. “That didn't mean I had to be a shit parent.” 

“It's not like you've had an example of a good parents, Howard." Phil said. "And I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up bad memories for you, I just want you to stop beating yourself down so much. You have been through so much yourself and I think you've done well too, despite the odds." 

Howard snorted. "I'm thirty-four, trying to start again." 

"It's better than never." Phil countered. And there wasn't anything Howard could say to argue that. "And maybe you still have a ways until you get to where you want to be, but you're obviously trying very hard and that is admirable." Howard was speechless for, what had to be, a full five minutes. 

"Thank you." Howard said quietly. 

Phil gave him a warn smile. "Where do you want to be?" 

Howard exhaled, run a hand through his hair as he thought about it. "I don't…I don't even know. Just far from where I am now." 

"Give it some thought. It'll be good for you to have a specific goal." Phil said. Howard rolled it around in his mind. 

"Okay, I'll do that." Howard said. 

They went back to identifying potential terrorist. But the atmosphere had changed. There was a rapport between them. It was fragile, at least on Howard's side, but there.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone needs a mental image, here's what I have in my head when I'm writing Howard:  
> , , .
> 
> Also, I feel the need to say this. I've written Clint with a drug addiction background also. And Natasha's backgroudn is more canon. I hope she doesn't appear to be unsympathetic but she's looking at Howard with the background of someone who's been raised to be an assassin. So her opinion is a tad...skewed, I guess. I don't know the word (which is sad because I fancy myself a writer) but she won't stay resentful. Also, you may have noticed that i've made this a series. That's because I decided to write some missing scenes in other character's POV and i'll add them to the series.
> 
> Sorry for the long rant. I hope you enjoy this chapter. :)

One Month Later 

Howard wrung his hands, in worry, as he stared at the computer screen. One of the several in the computer lab at S.H.I.E.L.D. His eyes flickering from the clock to the screen. It was stupid. It really was. He had finished his finals for the semester the week prior and he was waiting for his grades to be posted. But he didn’t have to wait here like this, with nervousness burning his gut. Because it wasn’t like his grades were going to change. Whether he waited like an idiot for them now or checked them later, they would be the same. 

But then the clock turned twelve and the screen came alive. His grades were displayed and Howard lost his breath as his eyes scanned over the six A’s that appeared on the screen. He had aced his tests as well his classes and Howard was speechless. He shouldn’t have been, he had been doing well the entire semester. But he still hadn’t believed that he would have done _this_ well. 

“You know the best part?” Howard heard a voice say suddenly from behind him. But he wasn’t startled. He recognized the voice. And to be honest, when was Clint not watching him? He still turned around and glared at the alpha, quirking an eyebrow. 

“You earned those grades.” Clint said. As opposed to screwing around for them. And because Howard felt his cheeks getting warm, he ducked his head. Clint pinched his cheek. “You should be proud of yourself.” 

Howard shrugged, looking down. “The first semester is always the easiest. I don’t know if I’ll be able to pull it off another semester.” He heard Clint sigh. 

“You know what, no. I am not going to let you beat yourself down. You have done something amazing and we are going to celebrate goddamn it.” Clint ranted as he pulled a bewildered Howard from his chair, dragging him out the room. 

Howard groaned. “Barton, I don’t have time for this.” 

“You have absolutely nothing better to do. I know that for a certain.” Clint said as pulled Howard down the hall towards an elevator. Normally, Howard avoided the machines because more than once, he’s almost ran into Tony but his son was out of town for the day. He was supposed to be returning today but not until night. So Howard didn’t protest too much as Clint dragged him onto an elevator. JARVIS greeted the two of them and showed Clint his options. Clint pushed a button that said SUITE: HAWKEYE. Howard had never seen that option before and there were others he’d never seen but the one that really caught his eyes was the option that read PENT: IRONMAN. So Tony stayed in the penthouse. 

Howard and Clint bickered the entire smooth elevator ride because Howard thought that Clint’s excitement was premature and Clint thought Howard wasn’t giving himself enough credit. But the doors finally opened and the alpha pushed him inside. 

“You are going to celebrate, God help me!” Clint said, following Howard off the elevator. The omega groaned, throwing his hands up because, damn it, Clint was stubborn and he was tired of arguing with the alpha. After a moment of silence as Howard followed Clint down a hall, the agent turned around, quirking an eyebrow and he looked at Howard. 

“That’s it. No more arguing. Thank God.” Clint said and Howard rolled his eyes. 

“You’re entirely too stubborn.” Howard grumbled, gasping at the beautiful room he entered. It was a wide, spacious den. With a window that showed a great view of New York. The room was beautifully decorated. Well it could have been, had everything not been purple. All sorts of shades and hues but purple, nonetheless. Howard walked up to the window, gazing down at the city. From here, everything looked so wonderful. That was probably because the slums of Brooklyn weren’t in view. 

“What floor is this?” Howard asked, his voice sounding amazed. 

“Hundred and seventh.” Clint answered, opening the refrigerator. “What do you want to drink?” 

“Anything that doesn’t contain alcohol.” Howard said, tensing a little. Because he has never, in his life, been in an alpha’s territory without giving away his body. He wondered if…no, Clint probably…he wouldn’t require that. Would he? If he were, he probably would have asked Howard for head long before now. Howard tried to keep that thought in mind, the thought that Clint was one of the very few good guys he had met. That list consisted of two people. Phil and Clint. Well maybe three, Natasha seemed alright. 

“I actually don’t have any alcohol.” Clint said. “I stay away from it. Don’t want to screw up my sobriety.” Howard whipped around to him so fast, he actually got a little dizzy. The grinned as he crossed the room to Howard, two apple juices in hand. “You’re not the only one with a murky past.” 

Howard took his juice, looking down at it. “How long have you been clean?” 

“A little over ten years now.” 

“Congratulations.” Howard said, very sincerely. 

“So you do know how to get excited about something.” Clint said. Howard glared at him. “I’m just saying, if want an easier journey from two years to ten, you can’t keep beating yourself down. Because if you do make a mistake, as all humans do, it’ll crush you. And you’ll tailspin. I’ve seen it happen too many times. Shit, it happen to me once.” Howard looked down at the wood floor, thinking it over. It made sense, it really did. 

“But…what if I…” Howard trailed off, wondering how open should he be. He hasn’t had a friend in years. Not since Maria and she hurt him so bad, he was afraid to trust again. “I’m afraid, you know.” Howard admitted. His voice very quiet. 

“I know.” Clint said, his eyes very understanding. He had probably been there himself. “But I don’t think you’re going to slip up after coming so far. And if you do, you better believe, me, Phil or even Nat are going to come after you.” Howard ducked his head, hiding his heated cheeks again. This…this was so bad. He wasn’t a blusher. And he sure in the hell hadn’t meant to develop an emotional attachment to anyone. It just meant that when he did fuck up, it was going to hurt more people than just him. But Howard had to admit, it was nice. Having someone to…believe in him. 

“Thank you.” Howard said shyly. Clint smiled and lightly slapped his back. 

“Now, I’m going to order us a celebratory pizza. Phil and Nat are going to join us. And we’re going to celebrate your accomplishment and I don’t want any arguments.” Clint said. Howard was quiet for a moment before he nodded. 

“Bossy.” Howard called him, playfully. 

Clint grinned. “And you know it.” 

\- 

Howard kind of hated this lingering feel that floated in his mind, in his heart. But he couldn’t help it. All he had ever known was supplying alphas with sex. To service them with his body. He had never had an alpha friend in his life. And in all his thirty-four years, he has only had one friend. So he didn’t really know what to expect as he sat on the couch, sandwiched between Phil and Natasha, with Clint perched in a chair beside them, three boxes of pizza spread out on the table. He would really hate for them to suddenly turned to him and tell him to bend over the back of the couch. 

But they didn’t. As they sat there and ate and talked and watched a football game, on the biggest television Howard had ever seen in his life, the three alphas never made an advance on him. Never, once, even indicated that sex had anything to do with why they were there. 

And this was the first time, outside anything that had to do with Tony, that Howard had actually felt…happy. And if fucking terrified him. Because he knew happiness wouldn’t last long. Not for him. He didn’t deserve it. And he knew, he fucking knew, life was going to get him back for laughing and smiling and enjoying himself. But he couldn’t help himself. It was nice to be happy for once. 

\- 

“You, Mister Stark, are not what I expected.” Natasha said to him. They were in the elevator, heading back down to the main lobby. Howard turned to the redhead, watching her bluish-gray eyes regard him with interest. 

“Neither are you.” Howard said, hoping it didn’t sound sarcastic. He didn’t mean it that way. “Well I take that back. I think you can be scary, when you want to.” 

She smiled. “From what Tony told me, I expected a very different Howard Stark.” Howard thought about that, thought about whether or not he wanted to know what she expected. And he decided on a firm no. It wasn’t like he didn’t already know. 

“I hope I’m better.” Howard said. 

“I do too.” Natasha said. “Because those agents up there mean a lot to me. Tony means a lot to me. And I would hate to see them get hurt.” Her face was warm but her voice was icy cold. 

Those words hit like a bullet because the message rang loud and clean. ‘Don’t hurt my friend, or you’ll be very sorry.’ And it hurt. Because Howard was just beginning to trust her. But now, he was starting to fear her. Because anyone, any alpha, who has ever threatened him, has always made good of their threat. 

“O-oh. I won’t hurt them then.” Howard said shyly, and he tried to move to the other side of the elevator as casually as he could, so she wouldn’t know that she spooked him. He had made that mistake with Hammer and it screwed him until the day they were unassociated. 

Silence fell between them as the elevator silently, smoothly descended. Howard kept his eyes on the floor, looking down at his boots. He didn’t know what Natasha was doing but he was hoping he was imaging the feeling of being watched. When the door finally slid open, he smiled at her without actually looking at her and quickly walked out. He might have heard her say his name but he didn’t stop until he was locked in the semi-safety of his room. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the moment many have been waiting. I hope I did this justice. I really hope you like this.

Two Week Later

Howard sighed as wandered the halls of the Tower, wishing he had something to do. Winter break was supposed to be a time of rest but Howard hated being idle. Without something to distract him, his mind always tormented him, always reminding him of every mistake he made, every pain he felt, every tear he has ever cried. And it was in these moments that Howard really had to fight temptation. Because before, when he got that nervous feeling, when the ghost of his parents haunted him, when thoughts of abandoning Tony daunted him, Howard went to the needle. Or the coke. Or to his pills. Or whatever Howard could find to take him away, to help him forget the pain for just a moment. Clint and Phil told him that he needed to talk to someone about what he was feeling on the inside. But Howard could barely think about his past without wanting to slit his wrist, he couldn’t see how talking about it would ever help. But he also didn’t think his friends would suggest something harmful for him. So Howard kept the option in his mind.

What really made everything worst was that his friends were gone on a mission. And Howard missed them like crazy. They had been gone all week. But Howard was also worried. It was stupid and he knew it. They were professionals, had been secret agents for years. And he knew they valued their own lives more than he could. But that didn’t keep Howard’s ever restless mind from fretting.

Growing very tired of roaming the same halls, Howard ambled to the lobby, looking over at the elevator cautiously. He didn’t want to run into Tony but he couldn’t stand walking in circles either. So he started in the direction of the elevator, hoping his son wasn’t anywhere near.

He pushed the call button when he reached the shining silver doors and it didn’t take long for the doors to slide open. Howard walked in, greeting JARVIS when the computer said hello and when his options were displayed on the panel, Howard blinked. Because he had two new options. SUITE: HAWKEYE and SUITE: AGENT COULSON now showed with the other normal options Howard was given.

“J-JARVIS, buddy, I think you made a mistake.” Howard said. Then wondered if the machine was even in charge of such a thing.

“No, Guest Stark. Agent Coulson and Agent Barton told me to give you clearance to their floors shortly before they departed for their missions.” JARVIS told him.

Howard was speechless. And touched. It was nice that they trusted him enough. He almost pushed Phil’s floor but he stopped. Because if Natasha caught him there, she might get the wrong idea and think he was up to no good. So he made a silent promise to himself and his friends that he wouldn’t do anything stupid and pushed the roof option. So he could figure out how there was a roof and a penthouse on the same structure.

Before long, the doors slid open but Howard immediately realized that he was not on the roof. The elevator had stopped on the Conference Floor to pick up the two very people he was trying to avoid. And he froze. He fucking froze. And the only thing that kept him from being recognized was that Natasha and Tony were turned around talking to a tall blonde guy. And none of them seemed to notice the door. Faced with no other option, Howard tried to bulldoze past them as casually as he could and take the stairs to the roof. He went past Natasha who didn’t spare him a glance, though Howard had no doubt she noticed him, and he saw Tony glance at him but went back to talking to the blonde guy. And when they were out of view, Howard just knew he got away but he didn’t get two steps away before someone grabbed his arm.

“Howard?” The omega heard someone say from behind him. And Howard froze, his stomach clenching, his heart stopping. Because he immediately recognized that voice. It sounded different up close. Different from when Howard heard him from a distance. Or from the speakers of a device.

He could have ran. Howard could have pretended that this entire interaction wasn’t happening and hightailed it. But that would have made him a coward, wouldn’t it? Not that he was brave in the first place but this was his son. This was Tony and Howard finally had the chance to see him up close and not through a screen or a glass.

So Howard slowly turned to around and there he was. His little boy. Who was all grown up. Tony was staring at him, his big brown eyes scanning him in shock. And there was so much shock in his eyes that Howard couldn’t predict how this would go.

“Tony.” Howard said. He opened his mouth to speak but he didn’t know what the fuck to say. He had words, of course. He had been running the speech through his mind since the moment Maria had driven away with Tony in her car. Taking his baby away from him. So why wasn’t Howard talking? Why wasn’t he telling Tony how much he missed him, how sorry he was, and how much he loved him and wanted for them to have a relationship? Why was he standing there like a fucking idiot, wring his hands uselessly and nervously.

“Um…I know this has to be a shock.” Howard said, stating the very fucking obvious.

“You think!” Tony snapped. And Howard tensed. Because, of course, this was how it was fucking going to go. Tony was so, very angry and he had every right to be. “I mean, I knew you were here. I just didn’t think I would run into you. I didn’t want to.” That…that was the first bullet. And it hurt as he knew the words were meant to.

But Howard didn’t care. He stepped up to Tony and wrapped his arms around him, hugging him close, even when Tony went rigid under his embrace, because he knew this moment wasn’t going to last long. So he just held Tony for as long as he could, wishing he would never have to let his son go ever again.

Hope spurred in Howard when he felt Tony almost embrace him back, his arms almost wrapped around Howard. But he heard Tony scoffed and Howard felt himself be shoved back instead. With a force that knock him back into the wall with a thud and a burst of pain spreading in his back.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” Tony barked at him. “Do you know how much you fucked me up? Do you know how fucking broken I am?” Knives. Each and every word was like a knife stabbing Howard in the heart.

“Tony, I…” Howard started to pour his heart out to Tony, telling him everything he wanted to. But Tony growled viscously at him. And Howard startled, shying away from Tony because, shit, Tony was scary when he was angry. He always has been. And the pheromones Tony was spewing off told Howard he better stay quiet.

“Don’t fucking ‘Tony’ me!” Tony yelled “I am so fucked up. I have panic attacks because of you. I can’t fucking sleep without the lights on because of you. I have nightmare because of you.” Howard’s heart clenched. It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about how much he had messed up Tony but hearing it, hearing how hurt and angry and damaged Tony was, all because of him, was like someone was beating him with a barbed wire. It was torture and Howard deserved bit of it. Howard tried to find the words that would calm Tony down. But he didn’t know them. He didn’t know Tony and he had never been so painfully aware of that obvious fact in all these eight years.

“Tony, I am so sorry.” Howard tried, his voice very small. And he was so sincere. He knew it didn’t mean anything. How many times had he apologized to Tony? It didn’t matter that each and every time he had been sincere, he had just uttered words. And words didn’t fix shit. Especially since he kept fucking up.

Tony scoffed, with all the bitterness in the world. “You think that fixes anything. You’re sorry? I wish you had died, instead of mom. Because it wasn’t until you were out of my life that I realized that she loved me and you never did. You never loved me.”

Howard gasped. His hands clutching his chest. Those words crashed into his chest and ripped his heart out. And tore it to shreds. Tony turned then, storming down the hall and the tall blonde was close behind him, calling Tony’s name. Howard was paralyzed. He couldn’t even breath, he was hurting so much. He was drowning in pain and what made it worst was that Howard knew Tony was hurting more. And there was nothing, not a damn thing Howard could do to make it better. To repair the damage he caused.

But he had the mental reserve to call out to Tony before he got too far. The alpha didn’t stop though. Kept walking like he hadn’t heard Howard. So Howard called him again, this time steeling his voice and Tony paused. He never turned around but he stopped walking. Howard realized there was people watching them, trying to figure out what the fuck was going on but Howard didn’t have a fuck to give.

“Tony, I wish I could have been the father you deserved.” Howard called out to him. He heard Tony scoffed and he continued to storm away. Howard turned and walked in the opposite direction. He had no idea where he was going. HE was too busy being flooded by horrid memories. Every time he yelled at Tony. Every time he locked him into the house all alone. Every time he was too drugged up to pay Tony any attention. Every time he missed a visit when Tony was living with Maria. Every time Tony had to witness him being fucked over the back of the couch. Every single time Tony begged him not to leave. Every single time Tony had cried. Every single pain he had caused his own son.

It wasn’t until Howard felt a bitter cold did he realize he was outside. It was freezing and he didn’t have a coat and Howard didn’t care. He kept walking. With no destination in mind except getting as far away as he could from the tower.

Howard didn’t stop until he felt a soft hand grab his arm and a coat was thrown over his shoulders. It was as if the coat was a physical weight of all the despair and depression he felt and Howard plummeted to his hands and knees. Into cold, crisp snow. And Howard didn’t fucking care. He didn’t care about anything.

“It’ll be okay.” The person said. And Howard fully understood that he wasn’t alone. He saw her red hair before he saw her as she knelt down beside him. What was she doing in the freezing cold with him? Sitting on her knees in the frigid snow? She wrapped her arms him and Howard clutched her close. And it wasn’t until he buried himself in her embrace that he realized he was crying.

“I never realized how much you cared.” Natasha said. And Howard had just enough sanity left to be confused. _That’s_ what she got out of all that. _That’s_ what she got out of Tony spewing. That he _cared_. Did she miss the part where Tony said he fucked him up? Or had she dozed off on the part where he said he had nightmares and panic attacks? Or had she not heard Tony tell him, he never loved his own son? Because Howard had noticed and all he wanted right now was to die. And she should have wanted the same thing. Because he had done exactly what she told him not to. He had hurt Tony so much and Howard had honestly never, ever, meant to.

“You need to get back to the tower. You’ll catch a cold.” Natasha said. Obviously not picking up on how much he wanted to fucking die right now.

“You can go.” Howard forced himself to speak. “I’ll be fine. I just want to be alone.”

“No. I am not going to let you destroy yourself.” Natasha said. His voice leaving no room for argument. Not that Howard would argue with her before he ended himself anyway. There was more than one way to kill himself.

“You’ve come so far. You can’t let this send you back. You really can’t. The only way to fix this is to keep doing what you’ve been doing: moving forward.” Natasha said. And Howard didn’t really want to hear that. Not right now.

But…but…but he knew she was right. And, most importantly, he knew she wouldn’t leave. So he reluctantly rose to his feet. With a hesitant nod. And she led him back to the tower. Howard tried to lose her by telling he was going to his room and that he wanted I be alone, but she ignored him ad pulled him onto the elevator, taking him to her suite.

When he got there, she wrapped him in a blanket and turned in the heat. The fixed him a cup of tea and sat beside him. Howard was slowly coming to realize she wasn't going to leave him alone. At least, not until he was in a less emotional state. Which wouldn't be for a long time. Because Howard was still crushed and he was still crying and he still wanted to die. And Natasha was still comforting and warm and there. She was still there. And Howard was grateful and pissed at the same time.

Natasha kept him there so long, he fell asleep on the couch. In state of restlessness and tormenting nightmares.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it has taken me so long. I hope this chapter is good and makes sense and properly conveys the point I was trying to make. It took me a moment to get back into the swing of writing this so I hope the tone is consistent.
> 
> So please leave me feedback, i will seriously rewrite this if no one likes it.

_Howard stared at the phone in his hand. The little, shitty black rectangle. He wanted to throw it across the room. To stomp on it. But it wasn’t the phones fault he fucked up. It wasn’t anyone’s fault he fucked. It was all his own. And that’s what made him want to kill himself._

_Tony hadn’t even answered this time, had refused to talk to him. Which was exactly what Howard was expecting. And he didn’t, couldn’t, blame the kid. Howard just wished Tony’s last words to him wouldn’t have been, “I fucking hate you! Stay out of my life!” Howard wished his last mental image of Tony wouldn’t have been his boy crying, because his father had horribly failed, yet again._

_But most of all, Howard just really wished he could have been someone other than the person he was._

_The omega sighed and buried his head in his hands, bring his knees up to his chest. There was noise all around him. He was sitting on the steps in a dilapidated apartment building he didn’t rent an apartment in. He didn’t rent an apartment anywhere. He abandoned his old shitbox after Tony left. With his son gone, there was no longer any need to maintain a semblance of stability. He stayed in the streets anyway. And if he needed a place to crash at night, he could just shack with a john. Like he had done the night before._

_Around him he heard the conventional sounds of people arguing, of people fighting, the moans and thuds of people fucking. Howard had grown up in this shit. Same shit, his natural environment. So it was easy to tune out._

_He thought about going back over there. About going to Maria’s house and begging for forgiveness, promise Tony and his friend that he’ll change and he’ll stop being the person that he is. That he’ll be the person they wanted him to be._

_But that’s what a good father would have done. And Howard was a shit father. He knew that._

_So Howard pushed down his tears and his hurt, God it hurt so much, and decided—no, he knew—that Tony would be better off without him. And that the best thing he could do for his son would to do exactly what Tony had demanded. He would stay away from Tony._

_Howard stood with a sniffle and stumbled across the ragged carpet, and out the crumbling building. In search for his next trick._

_But as the years floated by, Howard would sometimes find himself wondering, usually at least once a day; did Tony ever hope that his dad would return? Did he ever look out the window and hope that his dad would come back for him?_

-

It would have gone different, it really would have. Had he been allowed. Had Natasha not kept a constant, watchful eye on him, never truly letting him out her sight. Had she not told Clint and Phil about it when they returned. Had his friends not been supportive and loving. Hell, even if JARVIS hadn’t evaluated his mental state and decided it would be best if the ROOF option wouldn’t be available for him on the elevator panel. Least he do something impulsive and horrid, like jump off it.

He would have gone back, Howard knew that for a certainty. He would have reverted back and went back to his comfort. To the needle. To the pills. To the powder. To whatever could make him forget and Stop. Hurting. It all hurt so much. And Howard didn’t even know why. It wasn’t as if he had _lost_ Tony. He hadn’t had his son in ten years. And their status, it hadn’t changed. Tony resented him now the same way he did the last day Howard had visited him. Not a damn thing had changed.

Except for everything.

-

“Have you thought about where you want to be, Howard?” Phil said as he sat beside Howard on the couch on Phil’s floor, handing the omega a glass of milk. Howard took it with a small, almost defeated shrug.

“Not really, I mean…there’s not a lot I can do.” Howard said, then immediately regretted it because he knew how Phil could get. He hated it when Howard criticized himself. Though this…this was just the truth. Other than being a fantastic lay, Howard had no other skills. But Phil sighed heavily and Howard spoke before Phil could lecture him, _again_ , on beating himself down.

“I mean, I don’t have many skills. Except…you know.” Howard said, gesturing between his legs. Then he shrugged again. “I mean, that’s why I’m in school but I haven’t even decided a major yet.”

Phil nodded understandingly, “What would you like to do?” Howard sighed a little, shrugging again. He almost said he wasn’t good at anything but Phil would have a problem with that. Phil looked at him studyingly for a moment, then reached out to Howard, paused when Howard’s brow creased, but then continued and rubbed Howard’s cheek with his thumb. Howard shivered at the gentleness of Phil’s touch. He was always so gentle with Howard. Yet it shocked and amazed Howard every time. No one had ever been gentle with him. And Howard almost didn’t know what to think of it.

“Remember when I told you that Tony needs you?” Phil asked. Howard nodded shyly, wondering had the alpha changed his mind. Had he finally realized that Howard wasn’t good enough for anyone, let alone someone as brilliant and wonderful as his son? “I still believe that. I think he needs you more than you, or even Tony, could ever imagine.” Howard sighed internally. Regretting ever meeting Phil. Not because of Phil himself, Howard adored the alpha. He was…his best friend, really. But that was the problem. Letting Phil get so close just meant that he was going to be beyond devastated when Howard fucked up. He always fucked up. Why couldn’t anyone realize that? Howard wished Maria were still alive so she could explain it to his friends.

“But in order to have a future with Tony, or a future at all, you’ll have to deal with the past so you can leave it where it belongs: behind you.” Phil said. Howard looked down, thinking hard on the advice. It was sound advice, he couldn’t deny that. But it was a million fucking times easier said than done. Howard didn’t even know if he could do that. How was he supposed to deal with his past? If what his parents had done him was bad, as Phil told him (and honestly, Howard already knew that but it hurt so much to admit) then how was he supposed to deal with that? How was he supposed to handle something as horrid and painful as that?

“I can’t Phil. I, honestly, just can’t.” Howard said, raising his eyes to the alpha, hoping he was imagining the stinging, wetness in them. “It’s too much. I’m not strong enough.”

Phil looked heartbroken, almost as if he took it personally. “You are extremely strong, Howard. I wish you could see how strong you are.” Howard looked down again, feeling his cheeks heating with a blush. What was it about Phil that made him so shy? “And you’re not doing this alone. You have friends and we’re going to help you, through everything. I hope you know that.”

Howard nodded. “I do Phil, I really do.” Howard said very sincerely. “I just…where do I even start? How do I start?” Phil looked thoughtful as he fell into silence. He had taken Howard’s hand into his and was rubbing his thumb in the omega’s palm. Which was incredibly soothing for Howard. He hadn’t figured out what trick Phil was using, but since he found it helpful, especially now, when Howard needed Phil the most, the omega didn’t mind it.

“I think you start by making a choice, Howard. You’re over halfway there but you’re not fully committed. Yet.” Phil said, with naked honesty. “And you can’t do it for Tony, or your friends. You have to do it for yourself.” Howard thought on it. He could have feigned ignorance, pretended he didn’t know what _choice_ Phil was talking about. But he did. Howard knew, fully well. Comprehending wasn’t the hard part. Making the choice was. Because, honestly, keeping his sobriety was easier then truly, fully, changing. Mostly because…Howard didn’t know how. He didn’t know anything beyond the slums he grown up in. Beyond the whorish lifestyle he had been living. Beyond the self-hatred that’s been living in his heart since he’s been an infant. But…but he wanted to find out.

“It’s scary.” Howard said, after a moment.

Phil nodded. “I know.”

“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”

Phil smiled a little. “I know.”

Howard looked down again. Asking for support or help of any kind was never easy for him. Howard always handled his private hell on his own. He always thought it made him stronger, but maybe it just…hindered. Not that there had been anyone in his life, prior to now, that he was able to trust.

“Will you…help me?” Howard asked.

Phil smiled again. “Of course. And so will Clint and Nat.” Howard smiled a little, a burst of joy just starting in his heart before it disappeared.

“You’re going to make me talk about everything, aren’t you?” Howard said, a step above a grumble.

Phil chuckled a little, “I’m not going to make you but I’d strongly advise it. It doesn’t have to be in a colorless office of a shrink either. You can talk to any of us. And it doesn’t have to be all at once, just talk when you’re ready.”

Howard thought about it. He couldn’t imagine ever being ready to talk about his past, ever _wanting_ to talk about his past. But he…he trusted Phil. Which terrified Howard because he had never met an alpha he could trust. And Howard would be devastated if Phil broke his trust one day. But right now, Howard felt that Phil was…safe.

“I hope I don’t disappoint you. I’ve only had one friend, before I came here and…I disappointed her pretty bad.” Extremely bad.

Phil rubbed his cheek again. “But I think that was a different Howard. I don’t think you’ll disappoint me. I wouldn’t let you.” Phil said, with all the seriousness in the world. And Howard knew he was telling the truth with the way he had been keeping a close eye on him these past few weeks.

“Thank you.” Howard said, almost hating how timid his voice sounded. But it was all so scary. He was opening up to someone, showing his vulnerability. To an alpha, to boot. Everything about that was scary. But Howard didn’t want to turn back.

And maybe he will fail, but Howard guessed it was the try that counted.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed it. :D
> 
> Please leave feedback and feel free to criticize; I am always looking for opportunities to grow.
> 
> I’ve launched an E-Zine where people submit their favorite fics and the best ones get published in the zine. I’m doing this because I want to create something that acknowledges fanfic writers and makes them feel confident about themselves while bringing people of different fandoms together. [To learn more click here.](http://jeniouis.com/jfw-zine.html).


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